i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
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