we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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