so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
