Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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