WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
