I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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