There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Randomize
