So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
