i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
it's like heaven, but drunker
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
