i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
