she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
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