I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
