I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
