he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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