He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Randomize
