I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize