Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
