Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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