Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
