if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
