we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
this boner is exhausting
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
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