Your tits are I can't wait for
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
