those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
