I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
These tits shall not be calmed
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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