Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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