Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Randomize
