How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
