ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Randomize
