My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
