i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
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