i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
My penis needs a shock collar
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize