"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
