just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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