it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I stole a fireplace last night.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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