When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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