I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
