Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I have fence marks all over my body
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
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