Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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