I'm laying in your front yard are you home
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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