barbara walters just said penis...
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
