Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
