yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
