a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
