Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
