did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Randomize
