I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
