Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
