Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
You are the jesus of drinking
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
