I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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