i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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