I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
