Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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