i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
