Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I could make wine with my vomit
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
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