You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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