drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
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