i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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