i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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