please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
