Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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