you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
