my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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