Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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