If that was your dad, he is hot
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
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