babies were throwing up all over the place
honey bunches of taint.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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