I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize