Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
