we're blogging at a bar
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Randomize
