I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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