I am puke
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
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